I am grateful

Mosiah 7:12 And now, when Ammon saw that he was permitted to speak, he went forth and bowed himself before the king; and rising again he said: O king, I am very thankful before God this day that I am yet alive, and am permitted to speak; and I will endeavor to speak with boldness;


I was (begrudgingly) thinking the other day that all I do, all day long is clean up messes.  I clean in one room and the boys are in another room dumping out baskets of toys, undressing the couch, making tents with every blanket in the house, etc.  The Legos are a downstairs toy that are strewn all over my entire house.  I spend hours putting them all away in the tupperware and putting it up high - until they look at me with those little faces and ask to play Legos again.  How can I say no?


Then I realized something this evening.  If my kids were disabled, they wouldn't make messes.  They wouldn't happily run from room to room throwing things on the ground.  I am so thankful that my children are of able body.


My kids yell at me all day long.  "Mommy! MOMMY! MOOOOMMMY!!!!" Or sometimes it's just a command "WATER! WAAAAATER!" "Mommy, I want to see a friend today." "Mommy, come on, play trains!" "Mommy, stop folding laundry." "Mommy, I HUNGRY!" "HELP WIPING!" "LEGGGGOOOOOSSSS!!!"  It goes on and on until I am so weary and exhausted from being yelled at all day long that I just can't stand it any longer.  It seems that every single time I have to ask what word is missing (please) or I have to wonder aloud why they are allowed to talk to me this way? Do they lack simple decency to ask in a polite voice? Or to phrase it in a kind way? 


Then I realized something this evening.  Kids who are autistic, they don't ask for things that they need.  They don't even know what they need and expect it to appear out of thin air. My kids ask me for things because they are of sound body and mind and are able to pinpoint what they need and ask me for it.  I am grateful that they have the mental and social capacity to do this.


Not a lot of time goes by before one of the boys is crying.  I'm folding laundry, cleaning up a mess, putting away dishes, and within 15 minutes, someone is crying.  "Hunter hit me!" "Landon hit me!" "He took my toy!" "He spit at me!" It's always something, isn't it?  Why can't these boys just get ALONG?! Why do I need to constantly be breaking up fights? Making them relax, calm down and behave? WHY?!


You know what I realized? My boys would rather play together and fight than play by themselves.  There are 10 different rooms to play in at my house and each one is full of toys.  They would rather play together than anything else.  When one is away, the other is asking where he is.  When I threaten to leave Landon somewhere because he isn't behaving, Hunter cries and screams until Landon cooperates.  Landon asks "Where Hunter go?" while Hunter is at school about 40 times a day.  These boys love one another and if I have to break up a few fights a day so that they can play together, so be it.


Being a mom is exhausting.  It is thankless.  You do not get paid.  You work all day and night and are never truly "off".  You go from cleaning messes, running carpools, taking them to different events, taking care of scrapes and cuts, hurt feelings, to cooking food and doing their dishes.  All the while they are yelling at you.  At the end of the day, when I climb into bed with them - the bed they decided to share despite each having their own beautiful room - I am reminded of why I do this.  Landon pulls my head until I lay right next to him.  He wraps his arms around my neck and says "I love you."  When I ask for a kiss, he always has one for me. When I ask Hunter how his day was at school and he tells me stories about his new best friend or how his girlfriend kissed him, I am reminded of why I do this.  When Hunter takes my head in his heads and says "I love you mom", totally unprompted by me.  And finally, when I am at the park and random moms/nannies come up to me to tell me that I "have great boys", I am reminded of why I do this.  Right now it might be thankless and overwhelming at times, but one day these boys are going to be true gentlemen and I am going to know that it is because of all the hard work I have done.  Now tell me, what could be more fulfilling than that?