Upcoming surgery

So, my surgery is scheduled. I'm having a full hysterectomy. That means I'm having my uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries and cervix are all being removed. It will be painful and my life will change forever after the surgery.  I am scared to death. I think about the surgery at least a dozen times a day and I get nervous and scared and wonder how i will handle it.  How will I do with a nanny caring for my children? Walking them to school? Picking them up when they fall? Feeding them? I can't pick them up or bathe them. We will go to Mexico and I can't go in the pool with them. I will be in pain and I will be different.  I don't know how I will react. Will it help my moodiness? Or will it make it worse? Will I gain a bunch of weight? Will I be depressed? Exhausted? Unable to do what I used to do? The unknown is terrifying to me. I am terrified.

So I frequently think of the reasons to do this surgery.  I have a scary gene. The gene is equally as terrifying as the surgery. Actually, the gene is worse. I am predisposed to over a dozen different kinds of surgery. Since I found out about the gene at the age of 30, I have had annual workups with all sorts of biopsies and blood work.  Colonoscopies, endoscopies, uterine biopsies, etc. Because my mom was first diagnosed with endometrial and ovarian cancer when she was 40 years old, insurance encourages me to get the hysterectomy 5 years before my mom was diagnosed. So, I'm 34 and I need to have this surgery.

My mom missed out on watching me get married, go to graduate school, have kids and everything since then. So, I look at my little family and I know i have to do it. They are the only think convincing me to do this surgery. But I am terrified and I hope that writing this down helps me feel better and makes me less scared.